Dorrie and Karen Andermills apply for their marriage license at Windsor, Ontario city hall.

Marriage

"Canada is proud of same-sex marriages,” said Pabian, "Its another thing they can brag about that the U.S. doesn't have."

Pabian has little family. Rawls' parents live in Louisiana and don't know of the couple's nuptials.

"My father would ostracize me if he knew," said Rawls. He is also unsure that his father knows he's gay.

"He knows we live together and went to Paris together," said Rawls. "He knows Henry and thinks he's a nice guy. When he talks to him, he tells Henry, 'Take care of my baby,' but to come out and tell him, he would have to face it, and that's another matter.”

Rawls grew up in Tripoli, where his father worked in the oil business. The Libyan gov-

ernment might not have recognized his parents' American marriage. He sees similarities with the lack of U.S. recognition of his Canadian marriage.

Pabian considers himself a "recovering Catholic." Rawls was Amish and taught Amish Bible school for nine years. The two consider their marriage "a vow before God."

The couple has no plans to marry in Massachusetts or any other state that might honor their relationship.

That sentiment is echoed by Ramon and Staup, who also consider themselves already married.

"Straight couples married in Ontario don't have to go to Massachusetts or anywhere else to prove it," said Staup, "and we won't, either."

Pesch and Raeburn also see no reason to marry anywhere else, even though the perma-

Pride Guide 2004

nent status of their marriage is unclear, and only provides a few benefits by the city of San Francisco.

"We were soulmates before," said Pesch. "The certificate is incredible, and we never thought we'd see the day, but it hasn't changed the relationship.”

Raeburn joked that the marriage confused their families. "They are thrilled for us, but want to know which anniversary to celebrate, the wedding or that of our commitment ceremony."

More seriously, the couple was initially concerned that the marriage might put their parenting arrangement at risk. Raeburn is the biological mother of Joshua. Pesch adopted him, giving equal rights to each under California law.

Once they found out the marriage would not change the adoption, the couple ignored the disclaimer given them by city officials that their license may be voided. “We can jump through legal hurdles later," said Pesch. "We just wanted the license."

Both said it was important to the LGBT community of San Francisco to beat Massachusetts to same-sex marriage licenses. Being first was a matter of civic pride.

Pesch said hundreds of people lined up at city hall to cheer each marriage and photograph the newly weds.

The Gay-Straight Alliance at the University of San Francisco, where Raeburn teaches, took up a collection to serve wedding cake and send flowers to couples waiting in line.

The Andermills felt more connected to America after their Vermont civil union, in addition to the deeper spiritual connection to each other.

"It's a feeling ofbelonging to the United States for the first time,” said Karen, “probably like women and African-Americans felt when they got the right to vote."

The Andermills founded Ohio Freedom to Marry and have testified before the Ohio legislature in favor of marriage rights.

"Once you have that feeling, you never lose it," said Karen. “That's why we do what we do."

All of the couples say marriage is about love and commitment to each other, and no

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one should do it for reasons other than that. But Dorrie Andermills said that lesbian and gay marriage is a political act that is similar to the act of coming out to family and friends.

"It changes the world," said Karen. "The people we know and work with get our relationship on a new level."

Ramon and Staup recognize the effect of their marriage on the rest of the world, but also its limitations in Ohio, which is considering a constitutional amendment that would forbid honoring their marriage in any way.

If they needed the rights of marriage to protect one another, Staup said, they would consider moving to Canada.

Rolando Ramon and Nick Staup

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